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It Beats Working |
Bill on Movies |
I think I tan, I think I tan
Kristen Hankla
The Post and Courier
Bryce hit the tanning bed recently in the hopes of transforming his snow white complexion into a rich, native tan. And by 'native,' of course we mean 'of England.'
Every now and again, we as human beings do things that are just plain idiotic. You know, like cross the street without looking both ways or watch an entire episode of "Dr. Phil." Me? Well, last week I went to the tanning bed. Yep. You read right. The old fake and bake. The roast 'n' ghost. The lovin' oven. In fact, for the past five days I've gone in an effort to transform my pasty, girly physique into a tan, girly physique. But just because I'm admitting I'm frequenting the tanning bed doesn't necessarily mean I'm proud of it. In fact, to be perfectly honest, the whole thing gives me the creeps. I mean, there's just something inherently wrong about getting into a machine that cooks you like a Thanksgiving turkey. But as much as the idea of slow roasting my internal organs freaks me out, the bottom line is: I need to find a way to become substantially less white before I hit the beach in Jamaica next week. Which is why I figured my best bet would be to go to the tanning bed. (Other suggestions from friends included: "Why don't you try taking off your shirt for a change" and "You know what? On second thought, maybe you should put it back on."") Very quickly I learned that going to the tanning bed is way more complicated than I ever thought. For instance, you also have to decide whether you're going to ... Stand up or lie down. Nowadays, newer tanning salons have a few machines that allow you to get a tan while standing up. Call me old school (or is it old cancer?), but I prefer the more classic coffin-style tanning bed instead. Wear clothes or go "commando." Some men and women will tell you how much they hate tan lines. As a result, they tend to lie in the tanning bed naked. Personally, I am in favor of wearing clothes during the process. Not only because I find tan lines sexy, but because — and sadly, I speak from experience here — you don't want to sunburn your ... Assume personal responsibility. You will inevitably be asked to sign a waiver or read a sign that says, "You know you're an idiot, right?" Or something to that effect. This is one of those release-and-hold-harmless deals that every place seems to do nowadays, but I'm pretty sure that if you found a good lawyer, you could totally sue them for making you look like a leather couch. Use any of their "special" lotions. Every time you go into a tanning salon, they try to sell you some sort of lotion or gel to put on your body. These are typically called things like "accelerant" or "bronzer" or "Armor All." It's my personal experience that you should avoid these. Because if there's one thing that's worse than having a sunburn on your private parts, it's having a sunburn on your private parts AND smelling like the interior of a '67 Camaro. Wear protective eyewear. It is important to remember that wearing goggles helps protect your eyes from harmful UVA and UVB rays that can destroy retinal tissue and cause permanent visual impairment. It is also important to remember that you will look like a complete nerd in them. So, you know, just keep that in mind. TANNING TIP NO. 33: If you are pregnant or think you may be pregnant, avoid drinking alcohol while in the tanning bed. Wait, now that I think about it, you might want to ask your doctor if you should even be going to the tanning bed in the first place.
Bryce Donovan is feeling "tanfastic," which, of course, means "really sunburned." Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.
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Comments
Posted by RickMattoon on June 19, 2008 at 2:10 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Here is a question to think about...
Why does indoor tanning offer more control and is used by millions of American Consumers?
Indoor tanners are at a great advantage by having access to the control that goes into the indoor tanning process. In addition to various state and local regulations in place, national guidelines set by the Federal government enhance the controllable factors involved in indoor tanning. Since 1986, the Performance Standards For Sunlamp Products have been in place to cover many of the following aspects of indoor tanning: -Timer control -Protective eyewear -Temperature control -Electrical safety -Protection from lamps -Equipment access and support, and more.
Stay Tan!
Rick Mattoon
TanningFacts.com
American Tanning Institute
Posted by Ann on June 19, 2008 at 7:23 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Bryce -
Funny!
But in reality - you may have done yourself a great deal more help for your health than just looking good!
There is an increasing body of research evidence about the BENEFITS of UV exposure (sun or indoor tanning) -- and more agreement than that the supposed negatives have been.....well, overstated and based on "junk science"!
The biggest area of interest - Vitamin D3 production. Turns out that is produced naturally in our bodies by --- the exposure to UV light. That it is a natural "magic pill" against all SORTS of diseases, including breast and colon cancers, heart disease, autoimmune diseases and much more!
Just in the past week -- there was well-regarded research study released indicating that men with lower Vit D levels have a 93% higher chance of having a heart attack and 74% chance of it being fatal!!! Breast cancer rates for women in the Northern U.S. and Canada (further from the equater) are SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER than those closer who get more UV exposure. ABC's Timothy Johnson did a story about Vit D deficiencies in infants. Time Magazine put the Vit D story on their cover! And Good Morning America had a segment just this week, recommending regular, monitored use of indoor tanning beds to get the "full body exposure" recommended (you can keep your Speedo on!).
Did you know -- the most likely person to get malignant melanoma (the scary skin cancer we worry about) -- a man in his 50's! Not exactly the typical indoor tanning customer!
Nope - the campaign to "scare" you from the sun and indoor tanning has unfortunately been very successful for the dermatology community (who continue to "prescribe" UV exposure in their offices for treatment of psorisis, acne and many other skin disorders -- at a lot higher rates than your local tanning salon!) and for the cosmetic/pharmaceutical companies that sell sunscreen. Did you know that industry has grown from many millions to BILLIONS and BILLIONS? No wonder, when the "recommended dose" of sunscreen is 1 oz, every hour. They want you to use a full bottle of sunscreen every day! Buying stock in THOSE companies is better than oil right now!
TOO MUCH of ANYTHING is bad -- heck, even too much water can kill you! But MODERATE UV EXPOSURE has MANY health benefits - and very few risks. OVEREXPOSURE (like on your trip to Jamaica.........) -- not as good.
So -- enjoy your trip. Be careful. When you get back -- ask your doctor to test your Vit D levels. And if they are low --- give consideration to going back to your tanning salon, to get that 8-15 mins of full body exposure a few times/week to trigger your body's Vit D production and not only LOOK GOOD - but protect yourself from a whole lot of more deadly health concerns than if you wind up with a tan line or a wrinkle!!
Enjoy your vacation!
Posted by thequeen on June 19, 2008 at 8:54 a.m. (Suggest removal)
"slow roasting my internal organs"? Are you THAT naive? Please tell me you are smarter than a 5th grader and know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to harm your internal organs with tanning!
I am really shocked that you are an editor since you dont seem to research your stories. This is why the Media screws things up and gets people all scared about everything. You should be ashamed.
Posted by scottiemac on June 19, 2008 at 9:19 a.m. (Suggest removal)
People ... this is a humor column. If everything he said was factual, this wouldn't be a very funny piece. Is this the first time you've read Bryce Donovan? Look at some archives for some perspective ... do some RESEARCH of your own.
Posted by thequeen on June 19, 2008 at 10:11 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Why should I? I am not the writer or editor.
Funny or not, it is misleading. Sure, there are funny lines such as "you look ike a dork in goggles" and such, but the comments about not needing lotion, frying your organs, "coffin style" beds, are doing nothing but perpetuate the negative stereotype of indoor tanning.
It bothers me to no end the media promoting the negative of everything,and never showing the positive. Not just about tanning but in all aspects. And it amazes me how many "journalists" dont research at all and just publish some crap that came across their desk. I have seen several Urban Legends actually printed in the newspaper as fact! It really kills me.
Posted by Rayz on June 19, 2008 at 1:22 p.m. (Suggest removal)
What?!?! You mean no one sold him a ManHood to go with the Armor All??? Shame, shame on them! Seriously, humor or not, it is just this type of article that feeds into the already misinformed public and gives the tanning industry more undeserved bad press. Moderated exposure of the type that a properly run tanning salon offers is of great benefit mentally and physically to so many people. I wish someone would do a humorous write up about us in a positive light. Maybe he will do a post vacation one regarding how much more enjoyable his vacation was without the pain of sunburn on the very first day, or peeling and patchy skin. Or maybe he is the type that doesn't make use of sunblock so why would he use a lotion in a tanning bed that would help prevent him from burning? Knowledge is power!
Posted by kwhitman on July 6, 2008 at 9:54 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Are you kidding me? Do you people have nothing better to do? His column is meant to make people laugh. If you can't take a joke, you are reading the wrong column!
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